The gift of friendship

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 “All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.”

Have you ever felt like your situation was so bad that no one could possibly understand what you were going through or how you were feeling? I know I sure have. I have been in valleys so low that I knew I was the only person on the planet who was having to walk through those circumstances. I thought I was all alone and there was NO ONE who could understand what I was feeling or my heartache. Anyone with me?

Looking at the verses above I see now that I am not alone and neither are you. God Himself comes alongside us when we walk through the toughest times of our lives and then places people in our path who have experienced similar circumstances. He never intended for us to face this world on our own. He provide friends to help us and support us. Biblical examples would be the friendship between David and Jonathan and Naomi and Ruth. I thank God daily for the incredible people He has placed in my life. Some have been there specifically to help me become a better person and encourage me to keep going. Others are there to help me see that I am not sitting in a great big boat alone hopelessly rowing.

God understands what we need, when we need it. I have felt His love show up through people in the deepest darkest valleys of my life. People who know the pain I feel because they have experienced it firsthand. God uses them as an instrument of His love, mercy and grace. Once on the other side of the dark valley, I can pass the comfort I have received on to others.

God will use hurts (or trials of any kind) in our lives to grow us, increase our faith, and to lift others up in their times of trouble.

Rest assured! We can find comfort to weather any storm in the One who created us all. He will not leave us or forsake us no matter what situation we find ourselves in.

Related Scripture: Isaiah 66:13; Psalm 34:18; Psalm 18: 1-6

The truth can be painful

Proverbs 27:6 (GW) Wounds made by a friend are intended to help, but an enemy’s kisses are too much to bear.

Accountability is a good thing…but do you really like to be held accountable? I know…tough question. To be honest, I’m not overly-enthusiastic when someone points out an area of weakness in my life. When someone speaks into my life, I have to consider the source of the information. Is it someone I truly trust and has my best interest at heart, or is it someone just pointing an accusing finger? I have to admit it’s an easier pill for me to swallow when I trust the person bringing me the unpleasant advice.

There are very few people I trust to speak into my life. Even if what they have to say hurts, these people love me and only want the truth brought to light so I can work through the area of weakness.

A biblical example of this type of accountability can be found in the 12^th chapter of the book 2 Samuel. It’s about a year after David committed adultery with Bathsheba which produced a pregnancy. In chapter 11, David plots to cover up his sin by sending Uriah (Bathsheba’s husband) to the front lines of battle knowing he’d be killed (2 Samuel 11).  As this chain of events unfolds, each decision David made plunged him deeper and deeper into a pit sin and grew more callous with every action.

Nathan, a prophet during this time, was sent by God to point out David’s sin. Nathan and David were friends long before he committed adultery with Bathsheba. As God’s spokesman, Nathan confronted David and helped him see his own wrongdoing and then comforts him with the reality of God’s forgiveness. Nathan also had to remind David of the consequences his sin would bring. That couldn’t have been an easy conversation.

Truth is painful and when delivered by a trusted friend you can be assured it’s for your good…and growth.

Are your friends wise?

Last night I had the opportunity to have dinner with one of my best friends. Although we remain in contact during the week via text and phone calls, we really don’t get the opportunity to spend time with each other. When we find time to have dinner, go to a movie or just hang out we jump at the chance and make the most of it. Last night, I think we determined we hadn’t actually seen each other since February when we celebrated my January birthday. Four months sure sounds like a long time not to see your closest friend in the world…doesn’t it?

As I read through 1 Samuel 18 – 19 this morning in my quiet time, I was reminded of why she and I are such good friends…especially as we strive to walk down the path God has planned for us. In these 2 chapters of 1 Samuel, I read about the friendship between David and Jonathan. This friendship was one of the closest and deepest recorded in the Bible. Chapters 18 and 19 show us how their friendship began and the strength and loyalty it possessed during a time of great trial (1 Sam 18:1-4, 19:1-2).

When you think about developing a friendship with someone what comes to mind first? Why do you become friends with them? I think the most common answer is “because we like spending time with them and we have various things in common”. David and Jonathan’s friendship wasn’t just based on things they had in common, it went much deeper than that…it was based on their strong commitment to God. In Chapter 19:1-2, when Saul told Jonathan he wanted to kill David, Jonathan disobeying his own father to protect David from harm. When David came to Jonathan for advice, Jonathan encouraged him with the truth – even when it was a painful one. Their friendship didn’t let anything come between them; career nor family problems.

While my friend and I have many things in common and like spending time together, there is something even greater we share…our love for Jesus Christ and our desire to follow him wholeheartedly. I know when I come to my friend for advice she will give me truth based on God’s word. At time I may not like to hear what she is saying but, I never have to question the source of her advice. A true (genuine) friend speaks the truth no matter how much it hurts to hear…believe me I am speaking from experience.

Do you have friends in your life who will tell you the truth from God’s word or, do your friends just tell you what you want to hear based on flattery and lies?

Proverbs 13:20 (NCV) Spend time with the wise and you will become wise, but the friends of fools will suffer.

Do you have a foxhole friend?

Do you know what a “foxhole” is? A foxhole, is basically a shallow hole in the ground. It was introduced during World War II and provided protection from oncoming artillery for one or two people. As I read through Romans chapter 16, I couldn’t help but think back to a sermon I heard a few years back by a Pastor who has since left our church. The sermon, titled “Foxhole Friends”, certainly left a lasting impression and has challenged me to look at friendships from a completely different perspective. Throughout the 16^th chapter of Romans, Paul specifically mentions the men and women who worked with him to help spread the gospel of Jesus Christ. While Paul and these people were working to spread the gospel, others were working against them to make sure the message didn’t get through (v. 17 – 18).

From this chapter, it appears Paul had several “foxhole friends” he could count on to be “in the trenches” fighting battles that needed to be fought. That primary battle of course was spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ to the known world of their day. This was not an easy task. Persecution was widespread. Paul wrote four of his letters (Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, and Philemon) from a prison cell yet still continued to preach the word.

So the question becomes, who is in the foxhole with you? Is it someone you can trust to help and encourage you along your journey? Or is it someone who tries to divert you from your purpose? Do they accept you for who you are and out of genuine concern tell you the truth to help you grow? Or do they tell you what you want to hear?

Who would you consider your “foxhole” friends? Remember a “foxhole” friend is someone you know has your back no matter what… 2:00 in the morning – whatever it takes… they are there. Do you have someone like that in your life?

I like the way Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NLT) puts it best “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.  If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.”

Do you have a "trusted other"?

Proverbs 9:6 Leave your simple ways and you will live; walk in the way of insight.”

Proverbs 9:10 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”

Proverbs 9 looks specifically at both wisdom and foolishness. Reading through the entire book of Proverbs I have “heard” wisdom’s voice – but did I apply the wisdom I heard to my life?

In the very first verse of this Proverb I read “Wisdom has built her house.” Meaning I can’t expect to be wise all of a sudden. It’s a continual process that takes time. Wisdom begins by stopping my foolish ways (v. 6) and starting to respect the Lord (v. 10).  I have to grow in Him; learn from Him; listen to Him and to the advice of trusted others. 

It is important to stop here and define who a “trusted other” is. A “trusted other” is someone who has gained wisdom themselves by putting their faith, hope and trust in the Lord.  I urge you not to go to “friends” seeking guidance for your life when they themselves are not walking in the light of Christ. It is so important to seek out friends that have already obtained the wisdom we desire. Friends that haven’t obtained the wisdom we desire can lead us astray.

Proverbs 9:17 warns “stolen water is sweeter, and food eaten in secret tastes better.” I know that I can get wrapped up in the “things” of this world. After all, if sin wasn’t so much fun no one would do it… right? Take a look at what the very next verse, verse 18has to say. “But these people don’t know that everyone who goes there dies, that her guests end up deep in the grave.”

Well meaning friends who don’t know Christ can lead us down a worldly path to death and destruction. I am trying to live a life that honors Christ, so it is up to me to seek out those friends who give me Godly counsel.

Proverbs 9 verse 11 says when we live wisely; we will live life to its fullest – because wisdom adds years to our lives (v. 11).

Related reading: Matthew 7:13 – 14, Matthew 7:21 – 23, Galatians 6: 7 – 8, Matthew 6:24, Romans 6:23

Are you a "sharpening" your friends?

Proverbs 27:17 (NCV) As iron sharpens iron, so people can improve each other.

This verse in Proverbs 27 reminds me of how thankful I am for true and genuine friendships. Before I started walking with Christ, my friendships were based on things my friends and I had in common – some of those things were not necessarily good for me. I’m not saying that my Christians friends and I don’t have things in common but there is a difference. When I was “walking in the ways of this world,” and talked to worldly friends, they gave me worldly advice. Sadly, some of those “friends” I no longer have contact with because of the “advice” I was given.

One thing I have realized is that it is so easy to take on the characteristics of the company you keep. Looking back at my life before Christ, I am amazed at how far I allowed myself to be taken away from the person I actually was by listening to the advice of so called friends. These “friends” really didn’t care about me at all. They thought like the world and gave advice based on the things of this world.

When I started attending the church I go to now, I was blown away by the genuineness of the friends I found there. Since giving my life to Christ, I have found friends that actually care about the direction of my feet. They challenge me to look at the path I am on and where it will lead. Believe me, we have had several heated discussions, some that would have most people throw their hands up and say “I don’t need this!” But these are the discussions that have grown and shaped me the most. My friends in Christ have challenged me to grow and have held me accountable. I am so thankful that God has placed these people in my life. I am truly a better person because of them.

Related reading: Proverbs 27:6; Ecclesiastes 4:12; 1 Thes. 5:11

Foxhole Friends

Do you know what a “foxhole” is? The foxhole, is basically a shallow hole in the ground. It was introduced during World War II and provided protection from oncoming artillery for one or two people. As I read through Romans chapter 16, I couldn’t help but think back to a sermon I heard a few years back by a Pastor who has since left our church. The sermon, titled “Foxhole Friends”, certainly left a lasting impression and has challenged me to look at friendships from a completely different perspective. Throughout the 16^th chapter of Romans, Paul specifically mentions the men and women who worked with him to help spread the gospel of Jesus Christ. While Paul and these people were working to spread the gospel, others were working against them to make sure the message didn’t get through (v. 17 – 18).

From this chapter, it appears Paul had several “foxhole friends” he could count on to be “in the trenches” fighting battles that needed to be fought. That primary battle of course was spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ to the known world of their day. This was not an easy task. Persecution was widespread. Paul wrote four of his letters (Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, and Philemon) from a prison cell yet still continued to preach the word.

So the question becomes, who is in the foxhole with you? Is it someone you can trust to help and encourage you along your journey? Or is it someone who tries to divert you from your purpose? Do they accept you for who you are and out of genuine concern tell you the truth to help you grow? Or do they tell you what you want to hear?

Who would you consider your “foxhole” friends? Remember a “foxhole” friend is someone you know has your back no matter what… 2:00 in the morning – whatever it takes… they are there. Do you have someone like that in your life?

I like the way Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NLT) puts it best “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.  If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.”