Our plans vs. God's plans

People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the LORD. (Proverbs 19:3 NLT)

Have you ever been mad at God? Something bad...really bad... happens and you decide to blame God. So you yell and scream at Him because you think He allowed the circumstance to happen.

"How can you do this to me?!" You shout. "Don't you care about me at all? How could you have let this happen?"

I found myself screaming those very words at the top of my lungs when our expensive attempt at in-vitro fertilization (IVF) failed. The doctor said she had only seen one other case like mine in her entire career and because of the high probability of another failed attempt, the couple decided not to go through the procedure again. 

My husband and I wanted to have a family of our own. We had been through so many fertility procedures, and even had a child in our home through our city's foster-adopt program only to come up empty. For me the IVF failure was the final straw and I blew up at God.

I was mad and asked the question, "How could He have allowed all these things to happen?"

What I didn't realize at the time is... God's timing and plan for my life is perfect. Instead of seeking the Lord and trusting Him through the circumstance, I flew off the handle and got angry because things weren't happening the way I thought they should have.  

Two weeks after the IVF failed, I received a phone call from a dear friend. 

"Remember Andi?"

I thought for a moment. "I remember the name."

"Well, she's pregnant and wants to give you the baby."

"What?" My heart raced as my head processed what my friend has just said.

"The pregnancy was unplanned and she really doesn't feel like she could provide for a child at this point in her life. She knows some of what you've gone through and loves this child enough to give him or her a good family."

Silence hung in the air as I thought "could this be the reason everything else hasn't worked out for us?"

I had no idea how to respond. "I need to talk to my husband before going any further. You know we've been down this road before and it's painful. The promise of a child and then the decision by the mother to keep the baby hurts so much. I don't think I could go through that again."

"I know. When she told me I told her I couldn't let you go through another heartache. She promised me it would happen...and I believe her."

 God knows our hearts and sees our life from beginning to end. He knew the IVF would fail. His plan was for the child this woman carried to be ours. Because I could only see the situation that was right in front of me, I reacted in anger when things didn't turn out the way I planned. But God knew I would be a mother in less than 9 months.

His plans are so much bigger and better than ours!

Through this journey, my faith has grown and I have leaned to trust Him completely. I also know without a doubt He is working even when I can’t see what He’s doing.

Lessons from a simple question

Seek Him First

Matthew 7:7 (NIV) “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

This morning my son reminded me of the fun way my Dad taught us (me and my sister) the words to Matthew 7:7. The “lesson” started when I was 6 or 7 years old and still continues to this day… 40 years later.

Today is the second snow day for my son. Two days ago much of the east coast was hit by Winter Storm Leon. My area got between 9 and 10 inches of snow…VERY uncommon for this area. Anyway, this morning he was getting in some target practice with his Nerf gun. He’d take aim at the refrigerator, the oven, the microwave, etc. and pull the trigger. When the cartridge holding the bullets was empty, he call out to me “Mom, where are my bullets?” I hadn’t even been in the kitchen where he was shooting. How should I know where his bullets are? This question triggered the memory of my childhood and my search for shoes, books, brushes, etc.

Whenever I’d say “Dad, where are my shoes?”

His response would almost always be “Matthew 7:7.”

Now, being in church nearly every Sunday and Wednesday since I was 7 days old, I recognized right away that Matthew as one of the books of the Bible and 7:7 was the book and verse location.

When the words “Mom, where are my bullets?” came out of my son’s mouth, I wanted to say “Matthew 7:7.” But I savored the memory of those moments with my Dad. Perhaps I will start saying the next time my son asks where something is.

In my quiet moments with the Lord this morning, I went back to Matthew 7:7. These words were spoken by Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount. My study this morning focused on the word “seek.” The Greek word for seek is zēteō which means:

to seek or strive after, endeavor, to desire

The question I asked myself this morning was:

“Do I desire or strive after seeking God and his plan for my life on a daily basis?”

Tough question for me to answer. I’d like to say I do…but sometimes I get overwhelmed by the stuff of my day and my quiet moments with the Lord get pushed to the side. If my desire is to wholeheartedly seeking Him, He should be the ONE thing I am not allowing to slip.

This year, I’ve made a commitment to wholeheartedly SEEK first the kingdom of God (Matthew 6:33). I can’t wait to see what see what God will do in my life as I earnestly seek Him in everything I do.

Will you join me on this journey of SEEKING God first? Commit to give God the first and best of your day. Read your Bible, pray throughout the day about everything, and journal what you are feeling the Lord is saying to you.

“May all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who long for your saving help always say, “The Lord is great!” (Psalm 70:4)

Related reading:

Psalm 27:8, Psalm 69:32, Psalm 105:4, Proverbs 8:17, Romans 2:7,