Where you are right now is God's place for you!

1 Corinthians 7:17 (MSG) “And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don't think I'm being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in all the churches.”

Have you ever felt like your marriage has reached the point of hopelessness? The relationship has gotten so bad that it’s barely recognizable. You say things like “Who is the man (or woman) I’m married to?” and “This is NOT what I signed up for all those years ago.” One day you may even think things have gotten so off track that everything in you wants to pull the big “D” card and be done with it entirely.

As a follower of Jesus Christ, the Bible becomes the standard by which we live our life. So naturally when things go crazy, especially in a spiritually mismatched marriages, we should turn to the Bible for guidance and direction...not to the mindset of our current culture. In 1 Corinthians 7:12 – 13 (MSG) Paul says “For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages—Christian married to non-Christian—we have no explicit command from the Master. So this is what you must do. If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her. If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband.”

Personally I must admit this, and other verses like it, are hard for me to hear and even harder to abide by sometimes. But you know as hard as they are to hear, it was 1 Corinthians 7:17 that halted me dead in my tracks. “…Where you are right now is God's place for you. God, not your marital status, defines your life.”

Everything we experience in our life happens for a reason. God will use our experiences to teach us a lesson, to increase our faith, and get us to the next level of our walk with Him. We just have to keep our eyes squarely fixed on Christ and not be distracted by circumstances that seem to rapidly approach us from all sides. Who knows what God is trying to do through the very circumstance He has us in right now? We can’t see what He sees. We can only see what is directly in front of us.

If you are reading these words and are currently in a marriage that is barely recognizable, may I encourage you (and your spouse) to seek counsel. You never know how God will use that time. Continue to listen for God’s voice. Stay in close relationship with Christ by daily scripture reading and praying with a trusted friend. 

Oh yeah…one other thing - PRAY LIKE A MANIAC for your situation, for guidance and direction, for peace, and for your spouse. God knows your heart and He knows what’s going on in your marriage. You will feel a much better if you lay it all down at the foot of the cross and let God take the weight of the burden off of your shoulders.

Father – I pray for those who feel their marriages have reached the place of hopelessness. Please let them know that You’re with them and You see their pain. Also, please let them see that through You there is hope even when circumstances seem bleak. Help them to hold on to their marriage and realize that it’s only through You, their marriage can find restoration, life, and hope. Amen.

Related scripture:

Psalm 121; Isaiah 26:3 – 4; Nahum 1:7

Decide today how to handle temptation tomorrow

Proverbs 5:1-2 (NCV) My son, pay attention to my wisdom; listen to my words of understanding. Be careful to use good sense, and watch what you say.

In the first few verses of Proverbs 5, Solomon encourages us to pay attention to his words of wisdom and listen to his words of understanding (v.1). We need to be very careful of the words that come out of our mouths, the thoughts that run through our heads and our actions as we go about living our daily life – especially if we are married.

 

Proverbs 5 is a warning about adultery. After the first two verses, Solomon warns of falling down the slippery slope of adultery. Marriage is tough enough without being swayed away by “enticing” or “sweet” words from a co-worker, neighbor or anyone of the opposite sex. Proverbs says that their words may seem as sweet as honey but they lead to sorrow. Did you know the Bible even considers lusting after someone in your heart adultery?
 

If you are married, it is important to nurture the relationship you have with your spouse so it produces fruit that lasts; fruit such as joy and love (Gal. 5: 22-23). We are to let the love our spouse has for us make us happy and hold us captive (v.19).

 

But how do we do this? In verse 13 Solomon writes:

"I would not listen to my teachers or pay attention to my instructors."

Sometimes, I look back at my life and say the exact same thing about certain situations I found myself in. "If I would have only listened...things would be different now."

Have you ever said that?

When temptation strikes, it's too late to ask for advice or guidance. For me, I want satisfy the craving and I want to do it immediately...not after I've had a conversation with my friend about whether it's a good idea or not. The best time for me to seek advice about potential downfalls is before the "tempting" occurs. I have to make up my mind in advance how I will act (or handle) the situation. Once my mind is made up, resisting the temptation is easy because I've already decided the outcome.

It's so easy to get wrapped up with our job, the kids, and our busy lives to focus on our marriage. But it's so very important to nurture that relationship with our spouse. Second to our relationship with Christ, our marriage is the most important relationship that requires daily attention.

Decide now to work on your marriage every day. Solomon encourages us to do this the following verse:

Proverbs 5:19 (NCV) She is as lovely and graceful as a deer. Let her love always make you happy; let her love always hold you captive.

 What can you do today to let your spouse know they can still hold you captive?

What captured your heart in the first place?

Rekindle the flame in your relationship by committing to nurture the relationship you have with your spouse.

Related reading:Matthew 5:28, 1 Peter 2:11, Mark 4:19, Titus 2:11 - 12 

Me? A P-P-P-Princess Warrior? (Part 4)

**This is part 4 of the testimony I posted Wednesday (1/23/12), Thursday (1/24/13) and Friday (1/25/13)**

Sitting there in my pastor’s office I finally had enough courage to admit “He’s right…I have to start really looking at myself. Great… just what I want to do.” Our discussion continued and I brought up the topic of divorce. I never really wanted to go this route because I know what the Bible says about it BUT…

Why is it that every time we try to “justify” something Biblical there is always a “but”?

But… I felt I had been emotionally abused. When my husband gets angry he blows up and I just retreat. I mean after all, I was raised in a Christian home and can count one hand the number of times my Dad actually raised his voice. Oh sure, I was punished enough times…but not as harshly as I felt my husband talks to me or controls me.

I was tired….tired of trying, tired of praying, just plain tired. I even went to a divorce attorney for a consultation. She was a Christian so I felt like I could trust her…right? I told her the entire story of our marriage, through my eyes that is to say. I put it all out there. She told me the steps I needed to take and how much everything would cost.

Well there it was. The ball was in my court.  FEAR welled up inside me and back to the “comforts” of my pit I went.

Half-heartedly I prayed and asked God for wisdom and direction. I talked to my friends and asked for advice. Most often I’d hear “I don’t know how you do it. I’d be gone by now. I don’t know how you’ve made it this long to tell you the truth.”  A few of my friends encouraged me to hang in there and told me to hang on the Jesus with everything I had in me.

I felt so alone and afraid. On four separate occasions, I picked up the phone to call the divorce attorney to start the process. Each time I dialed the number I heard God’s voice “Put down the phone Sheri.” My entire being retorted “But why God! I can’t take this anymore…I don’t understand. I am miserable! MIS-ER-ABLE! How can I be full of joy when I am emotionally and physically burned out? He just doesn’t get it, nor does he care about me…about anything! I am so overwhelmed God…I have reached the end of me.”

I absolutely love how God showers us with His grace and mercy even at what appears to be our darkest hour. “You may have reached the end of you…but you haven’t reached the end of Me. Trust me, Sheri, my name will be glorified through all of this.”

Okay so patience isn’t one of my strongest characteristics, I get that about myself. I want instant everything. But God doesn’t work that way. I had been holding everything inside of me for six long months until finally, in January 2011; I conjured up the nerve to tell my husband I had gone to see a divorce attorney. He sat there in complete shock.

He was unaware it had gotten to that point. “What? Hadn’t I told him time and time that I was MISERABLE?” I had been telling him we needed help, but until I said the words “divorce attorney” did my words actually get through.

Days later, he asked me why I decided not to leave. “Truthfully, I have hit my knees and prayed over this marriage more times than I have prayed about anything. I have picked up the phone four times to call the attorney to give my go-ahead to start the process. But and all four times God told me to put the phone down. God wants me to stay, and I want what God wants.”  I can’t even describe the look on his face. It was priceless.

I kicked the battle up a notch in May 2011, when I got sick and tired of Satan and his minions attacking my home. Putting my “battle armor” (Eph. 6:10 – 18) on every day it was me who needed to tell the spirits of anger, disobedience, disrespect, defiance, bitterness, and any other spirit I felt was lingering to all get out.  I needed to stop being so negative about how “nothing would ever change” and speak what I knew my husband and my son would one day become…. men who were going to honor God and serve him wholeheartedly.

In fact, one night while cleaning up from dinner, my husband took my son up to get a shower. All of a sudden a “battle of wills” broke out between them, Drawing in a deep breath I through my dish towel down and let it out “Satan! I have had it with you and your minions!” I walked with determination to the bottom of our staircase and let him have it “In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth I command you to get out of this house. Spirit of anger, get out! Spirit of disobedience, get out! Spirit of defiance, get out! Satan, this house is covered by the blood of Jesus Christ. In His holy name GET OUT and STAY OUT! You cannot have my husband or my son! They will wholeheartedly serve the Lord one day. Now GO! You are not welcome here!”

I stood there, my body shaking.  “Lord I need you. Please help.” In that moment, peace washed over me. I listened to hear what was going on upstairs. Everything was quiet. I looked up toward heaven and said “Um, thanks! Are either one of them dead?” At that moment I heard laughter. “You never cease to amaze me Father, forgive me for my doubt. Help me to stand firm in you and never give up the fight.”

To this day God is continuing to work in my family. Slowly but surely He chips away the stone surrounding my husband’s heart. I know one day my family will be united as we walk through the doorway of our church. I believe that now and I am confident that He who began a good work in me will carry through to the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6)

Me? A P-P-P-Princess Warrior? (Part 3)

 **This is part 3 of the testimony I posted Wednesday (1/23/12) and Thursday (1/24/13)**

So… things were a “mess” in my house to say the least. My husband rarely talked, we were distant…. Like roommates sharing a house. I felt unloved, unaccepted, and down-right depressed. Equally as bad, were the issues we faced with our 5 year old son. I’m sure the anger and disconnect in our home wasn’t helping. He began to get into major trouble at school. We went back and forth to the doctor and finally he was diagnosed with ADHD. Things did get a little better at school once he got used to the routine of taking the medication. At home, he still lashed out in anger. Rightfully so I presume… after all he lived in a very angry, very bitter house.

“Would you please consider going to counseling?” I asked my husband one day, but he wanted no part of it. I finally got up the nerve to call my senior pastor. I know my husband respects him and, when he does come to church with me for special occasions we always get into a discussion about what we heard during the service. Even through our pastor has a packed schedule, agreed to counsel us and thankfully my husband decided to participate. I felt a glimmer of hope for the first time in a long time.

During the first session we talked about a few of the things going on in each of us and in our home. By the end of our time, we both agreed to read the book, “His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard F. Harley and discuss the chapters during our appointments. Immediately after the first appointment I booked the second appointment for three weeks out and bought the book.

For someone who takes a while to read, I read the first three chapters the same day the book arrived and then left it for my husband. I told him I had left the book on kitchen table and then left the assignment in his hands. During this time, I didn’t nag or ask him if he had read his chapters. I just left him alone. I felt it best that way.

The three weeks between appointments seemed to last a lifetime, but excitement over what God was going to do in our marriage carried me through. The day arrived for our second appointment. Not fifteen minutes into our conversation did my husband reveal he didn’t read anything. I was deflated. We were dismissed because we had absolutely nothing to talk about. I was heartbroken. The emotions that raged through me were that of hurt, anger, bitterness and resentment.  On the walk to our cars I asked him “Why? You had 3 weeks to read and you didn’t.” Defensive he huffed “Because I didn’t have time!” After hearing those words I lost my cool. “Why couldn’t you tell me that earlier? I would have rescheduled the appointment. Now I feel so foolish! Don’t you want our marriage to work, to be better?” Absolute silence, then finally “I guess I am not just into this…. What’s the point? I don’t think there are any problems.” He got in his car and drove off.

My mind raced as my over analytical brain ran scenarios of what exactly he meant. Walking to my car the tears began to fall and then through gut wrenching sobs I questioned “Why didn’ he read? Does he not love me enough to read 3 lousy chapters? How can he not have time for me?” I cried my eyes out. I drove about a half a mile before I figured out that my pastor still had 45 minutes set aside for this meeting. I immediately called the church and asked if I could return and finish the session alone… and that I did. I absolutely love my pastor. He tells you the truth of God’s word – harsh or not. In that first meeting we had he noticed something in me that was “badgering” my husband. I had never noticed that before. It’s tough when you have to admit that you’re the one who is to blame for something. He assured me that I wasn’t the only one at fault but at this point, I had to work on me. He challenged me that day to take a hard look at myself. UGH this was going to be painful… wasn’t it?

God never promised us a painless way… did He? What He did promise us is to never leave us or forsake us because He loves us with an everlasting and unconditional love. He holds us in the very palm of His hand.

***Please come back for Part 4 of my testimony tomorrow.***

Me? A P-P-P-Princess Warrior? (Part 2)

**This is part 2 of the testimony I posted yesterday, 1/23/13**

One Sunday morning in September of 2008, God began to change my perspective about spiritual warfare in a mighty way.

In Genesis 1:26 (NLT) God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.” We are made in the image of God, to be like God, to have His characteristics. In Exodus 15:3 we find “The Lord is a warrior, the Lord is His name.” Since the Lord is a warrior, this means that we have been made with a warrior’s heart.

Ok, so I have to admit the first time I heard that I was created with a “warrior’s heart” the negative tape began to play “Yeah right! You couldn’t fight your way out of a wet paper bag!”

The negativity didn’t have time to linger when the next point was made. “Godly warriors have a righteous cause.” A righteous cause is something that is worth fighting for; i.e. our marriages, our children, our finances, our walk with Christ. Our pastor really challenged us that morning… “write down your righteous cause, identify it, and then fight for that cause every day.”

I knew mine immediately, my marriage. Was I really willing to admit it honestly? NO. So I wrote down my child instead. Chicken! I am such a liar. I tried to “rational – lies” the fact that my son was a good righteous cause after all. But I knew good and well God wanted me to focus on my marriage first. Still I wasn’t budging. Has anyone ever been in this boat?

What was I thinking? God was about to show me the very next Sunday as the pastor preached the second sermon in the series he title “The Hesitant Warrior”. All I had to do was read the title and I said “God, you have a GREAT sense of humor!” God was speaking through the pastor that morning. I am convinced there was no one else in the room but me, my pastor, and God.

You’ve felt that way before, right?

I knew I had hesitated to name my marriage as my righteous cause because of the circumstances I had already faced. I took the easy way out and named my son. Fear trumped my faith and so I wallow in a pit of self-doubt.

There is something so cool about God, He doesn’t call us based on who we are or where we are, He calls us based on who He knows we can become. God realizes the battle will be tough, but that’s where our character is developed, in the heat of the struggle.

I walked out of the church after hearing the second sermon with my head full of things I wanted to do. I didn’t want to be hesitant. I wanted my marriage to be the righteous cause. But what could I do? I had been trying in my own strength to help my marriage and, needless to say, everything was still so difficult. This time, I had to “unwrap” my white knuckled hands from around the buggy (my marriage) and lay it all down at the foot of the cross. God never intended us to carry such heavy loads by ourselves. Only He can make things new… and that’s what I needed, a new perspective.  

During the week I diligently prayed, researched scripture, and put into action what I learned in Sunday’s service. “I sought the Lord, he heard my cry and He answered me (Psalm 34:4).”  During the last Sunday of the series our pastor talked about “The Passionate Warrior.” Over the previous few weeks God began to “peel back the layers” on my heart as I dedicated my focus to my righteous cause. He was shaping me into a Princess Warrior with a righteous cause. I was going to fight for my marriage to be all it could be and, for my husband to come to know Jesus in a very real and personal way.

I wish I could tell you that, like Paul, I fought the good fight, finished the race and kept the faith (2 Timothy 4:7 NIV) but I’d be lying. I made the mistake of losing sight of the enemy. Satan was having a field day destroying my marriage from the inside, out. By the end of 2009 and through almost all of 2010 my marriage was barely recognizable. My husband and I rarely spoke a word to each other. There were no niceties, we slept in separate rooms, there were harsh words, there were hurt feelings, and then came the deafening silence.

Heartbreak, anger and bitterness ran rampant inside me. 

What was happening to me and my marriage?

**Please come back for part 3 of this testimony.**