Will you engage in the battle for your family?

On December 12, 2010 I heard a phrase roll off the tongue of my then 5 year old son that no mother should ever have to hear. In the most evil voice I have ever heard my son use, he said “I wish I had a gun so I could shoot you…then you’d be DEAD! I hate you!” As he ran down the hall and into his room slamming and locking the door behind him, the words cut through to the VERY core of me. Even to this day the very thought of those words shoot through me with a chill that I can’t explain.

That night I was completely and utterly horrified. Dozens of thoughts and conversations began to litter my head “does he realize the implications of what he’s saying? Of course he doesn’t, he’s only 5 years old!” I reasoned. “Does he really want me dead? No, of course not! I’m his mother and he loves me!” Question after question cluttered my mind. “Does he understand what dead means? Does he understand the lasting effects it would have on him? What about his father? What about everyone else if he were to do what he so angrily spewed out?”

I sat on the floor in a puddle of tears, my mind in a state of absolute chaos. I had no clue what to do. I was afraid of my own son. I needed Jesus to help me, but I didn’t know how to pray. The only thing I knew to do was call out His name and He would hear me. 

"Jesus... Jesus.... Abba Father... Jesus"

Even if I didn’t make an audible sound (which I couldn’t) He knew the situation and could intercede in my weakness. (Romans 8:26 – 27) I sobbed and continued to call out the name of Jesus. There is such power in that name. Soon, a sense of peace and calmness washed over me. When I had composed my self enough to pick up the phone, I called my mom and we talked and prayed. I thank God every day that He blessed me with a Godly mom who prays for me! The next morning I also incorporated the prayer power of close friends. Their prayers are working but I too have a part to play. I have to engage in the battle and pray...even if I don't know how or what to pray. 

That is why this story doesn’t end there. Since that night in December, I have taken a proactive (princess warrior) approach to winning the spiritual battles going on in my house. Shortly after this night, a few friends agreed to come over and blessed my house. After arriving home from work that night, I could tell right away that something was different. There was a sense of calmness. In fact, I could feel a sense of God’s peace in a way I never had felt in the house before. It was a wonderful feeling. It was quiet. There was no anger present. For days it remained calm (chaos free) and I continued to thank God for what He had done. Through the blessing of my home, my friends (prayer warriors) had declared that the house belonged to the Lord and that the spirits of anger, offense, disobedience, and defiance were not welcome there. They had declared this for my house, but I hadn’t declared anything…until… one Sunday afternoon several months later.

I was busy making dinner so my husband decided to take my son upstairs for a shower. My son wanted no part of the shower so the “battle of wills” began and continued to escalate as they moved up the stairs and into the bathroom. I could hear the anger in one voice and the defiance in the other. Tired of hearing it all, I slammed the dish towel down on the counter and in that moment I engaged in the battle.

“God, I need your help right now. Satan, I have had just about enough of you! Get behind me (Matthew 16:23), this time you are not going to win because I am going to stand up and fight for my family!” 

 I boldly walked to the foot of our staircase and my sword drawn and ready (the sword of God - Eph. 6: 10-17) and confidently said “spirit of anger you are not welcome here – get out of this house in the mighty name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth.”

With sword still drawn I continued “spirits of opposition and defiance you are not welcome here either – get out of this house and go to the very depths of hell where you belong. As for you Satan, my husband will love me as Christ loved the church and he and my son will be might men of God and you cannot have either one of them in the name of Jesus Christ – now get out and stay out!” 

I’d say I was on a bit of a mission, wouldn’t you?

Now here’s the cool part – in that instant everything got really quiet upstairs. The crying and carrying on stopped. All I heard was talking in a regular voice and the sound of running water. 

Laughter instantly replaced the chaos of the moment.

You could have knocked me over with a feather. Don’t you just love it when God shows up? I looked up toward heaven and said “Um, thanks God. I know it’s not going to be that easy all the time but I sure appreciate you showing up in a big and mighty way tonight. You never cease to amaze me.”

My faith increased that night in a BIG way and since then, I have resolved to pray big, bold princess warrior prayers until something happens. I know I can’t go into this battle lightly and I know things will probably get worse before they get better; but so be it. In the end I know who ultimately wins the battle! I will continue to equip myself daily with the proper armor (Eph 6:10 - 17).
 

Romans 8:36-39 (MSG) So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one. None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Me? A P-P-P-Princess Warrior? (Part 4)

**This is part 4 of the testimony I posted Wednesday (1/23/12), Thursday (1/24/13) and Friday (1/25/13)**

Sitting there in my pastor’s office I finally had enough courage to admit “He’s right…I have to start really looking at myself. Great… just what I want to do.” Our discussion continued and I brought up the topic of divorce. I never really wanted to go this route because I know what the Bible says about it BUT…

Why is it that every time we try to “justify” something Biblical there is always a “but”?

But… I felt I had been emotionally abused. When my husband gets angry he blows up and I just retreat. I mean after all, I was raised in a Christian home and can count one hand the number of times my Dad actually raised his voice. Oh sure, I was punished enough times…but not as harshly as I felt my husband talks to me or controls me.

I was tired….tired of trying, tired of praying, just plain tired. I even went to a divorce attorney for a consultation. She was a Christian so I felt like I could trust her…right? I told her the entire story of our marriage, through my eyes that is to say. I put it all out there. She told me the steps I needed to take and how much everything would cost.

Well there it was. The ball was in my court.  FEAR welled up inside me and back to the “comforts” of my pit I went.

Half-heartedly I prayed and asked God for wisdom and direction. I talked to my friends and asked for advice. Most often I’d hear “I don’t know how you do it. I’d be gone by now. I don’t know how you’ve made it this long to tell you the truth.”  A few of my friends encouraged me to hang in there and told me to hang on the Jesus with everything I had in me.

I felt so alone and afraid. On four separate occasions, I picked up the phone to call the divorce attorney to start the process. Each time I dialed the number I heard God’s voice “Put down the phone Sheri.” My entire being retorted “But why God! I can’t take this anymore…I don’t understand. I am miserable! MIS-ER-ABLE! How can I be full of joy when I am emotionally and physically burned out? He just doesn’t get it, nor does he care about me…about anything! I am so overwhelmed God…I have reached the end of me.”

I absolutely love how God showers us with His grace and mercy even at what appears to be our darkest hour. “You may have reached the end of you…but you haven’t reached the end of Me. Trust me, Sheri, my name will be glorified through all of this.”

Okay so patience isn’t one of my strongest characteristics, I get that about myself. I want instant everything. But God doesn’t work that way. I had been holding everything inside of me for six long months until finally, in January 2011; I conjured up the nerve to tell my husband I had gone to see a divorce attorney. He sat there in complete shock.

He was unaware it had gotten to that point. “What? Hadn’t I told him time and time that I was MISERABLE?” I had been telling him we needed help, but until I said the words “divorce attorney” did my words actually get through.

Days later, he asked me why I decided not to leave. “Truthfully, I have hit my knees and prayed over this marriage more times than I have prayed about anything. I have picked up the phone four times to call the attorney to give my go-ahead to start the process. But and all four times God told me to put the phone down. God wants me to stay, and I want what God wants.”  I can’t even describe the look on his face. It was priceless.

I kicked the battle up a notch in May 2011, when I got sick and tired of Satan and his minions attacking my home. Putting my “battle armor” (Eph. 6:10 – 18) on every day it was me who needed to tell the spirits of anger, disobedience, disrespect, defiance, bitterness, and any other spirit I felt was lingering to all get out.  I needed to stop being so negative about how “nothing would ever change” and speak what I knew my husband and my son would one day become…. men who were going to honor God and serve him wholeheartedly.

In fact, one night while cleaning up from dinner, my husband took my son up to get a shower. All of a sudden a “battle of wills” broke out between them, Drawing in a deep breath I through my dish towel down and let it out “Satan! I have had it with you and your minions!” I walked with determination to the bottom of our staircase and let him have it “In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth I command you to get out of this house. Spirit of anger, get out! Spirit of disobedience, get out! Spirit of defiance, get out! Satan, this house is covered by the blood of Jesus Christ. In His holy name GET OUT and STAY OUT! You cannot have my husband or my son! They will wholeheartedly serve the Lord one day. Now GO! You are not welcome here!”

I stood there, my body shaking.  “Lord I need you. Please help.” In that moment, peace washed over me. I listened to hear what was going on upstairs. Everything was quiet. I looked up toward heaven and said “Um, thanks! Are either one of them dead?” At that moment I heard laughter. “You never cease to amaze me Father, forgive me for my doubt. Help me to stand firm in you and never give up the fight.”

To this day God is continuing to work in my family. Slowly but surely He chips away the stone surrounding my husband’s heart. I know one day my family will be united as we walk through the doorway of our church. I believe that now and I am confident that He who began a good work in me will carry through to the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6)

Me? A P-P-P-Princess Warrior? (Part 3)

 **This is part 3 of the testimony I posted Wednesday (1/23/12) and Thursday (1/24/13)**

So… things were a “mess” in my house to say the least. My husband rarely talked, we were distant…. Like roommates sharing a house. I felt unloved, unaccepted, and down-right depressed. Equally as bad, were the issues we faced with our 5 year old son. I’m sure the anger and disconnect in our home wasn’t helping. He began to get into major trouble at school. We went back and forth to the doctor and finally he was diagnosed with ADHD. Things did get a little better at school once he got used to the routine of taking the medication. At home, he still lashed out in anger. Rightfully so I presume… after all he lived in a very angry, very bitter house.

“Would you please consider going to counseling?” I asked my husband one day, but he wanted no part of it. I finally got up the nerve to call my senior pastor. I know my husband respects him and, when he does come to church with me for special occasions we always get into a discussion about what we heard during the service. Even through our pastor has a packed schedule, agreed to counsel us and thankfully my husband decided to participate. I felt a glimmer of hope for the first time in a long time.

During the first session we talked about a few of the things going on in each of us and in our home. By the end of our time, we both agreed to read the book, “His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard F. Harley and discuss the chapters during our appointments. Immediately after the first appointment I booked the second appointment for three weeks out and bought the book.

For someone who takes a while to read, I read the first three chapters the same day the book arrived and then left it for my husband. I told him I had left the book on kitchen table and then left the assignment in his hands. During this time, I didn’t nag or ask him if he had read his chapters. I just left him alone. I felt it best that way.

The three weeks between appointments seemed to last a lifetime, but excitement over what God was going to do in our marriage carried me through. The day arrived for our second appointment. Not fifteen minutes into our conversation did my husband reveal he didn’t read anything. I was deflated. We were dismissed because we had absolutely nothing to talk about. I was heartbroken. The emotions that raged through me were that of hurt, anger, bitterness and resentment.  On the walk to our cars I asked him “Why? You had 3 weeks to read and you didn’t.” Defensive he huffed “Because I didn’t have time!” After hearing those words I lost my cool. “Why couldn’t you tell me that earlier? I would have rescheduled the appointment. Now I feel so foolish! Don’t you want our marriage to work, to be better?” Absolute silence, then finally “I guess I am not just into this…. What’s the point? I don’t think there are any problems.” He got in his car and drove off.

My mind raced as my over analytical brain ran scenarios of what exactly he meant. Walking to my car the tears began to fall and then through gut wrenching sobs I questioned “Why didn’ he read? Does he not love me enough to read 3 lousy chapters? How can he not have time for me?” I cried my eyes out. I drove about a half a mile before I figured out that my pastor still had 45 minutes set aside for this meeting. I immediately called the church and asked if I could return and finish the session alone… and that I did. I absolutely love my pastor. He tells you the truth of God’s word – harsh or not. In that first meeting we had he noticed something in me that was “badgering” my husband. I had never noticed that before. It’s tough when you have to admit that you’re the one who is to blame for something. He assured me that I wasn’t the only one at fault but at this point, I had to work on me. He challenged me that day to take a hard look at myself. UGH this was going to be painful… wasn’t it?

God never promised us a painless way… did He? What He did promise us is to never leave us or forsake us because He loves us with an everlasting and unconditional love. He holds us in the very palm of His hand.

***Please come back for Part 4 of my testimony tomorrow.***

Me? A P-P-P-Princess Warrior? (Part 2)

**This is part 2 of the testimony I posted yesterday, 1/23/13**

One Sunday morning in September of 2008, God began to change my perspective about spiritual warfare in a mighty way.

In Genesis 1:26 (NLT) God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.” We are made in the image of God, to be like God, to have His characteristics. In Exodus 15:3 we find “The Lord is a warrior, the Lord is His name.” Since the Lord is a warrior, this means that we have been made with a warrior’s heart.

Ok, so I have to admit the first time I heard that I was created with a “warrior’s heart” the negative tape began to play “Yeah right! You couldn’t fight your way out of a wet paper bag!”

The negativity didn’t have time to linger when the next point was made. “Godly warriors have a righteous cause.” A righteous cause is something that is worth fighting for; i.e. our marriages, our children, our finances, our walk with Christ. Our pastor really challenged us that morning… “write down your righteous cause, identify it, and then fight for that cause every day.”

I knew mine immediately, my marriage. Was I really willing to admit it honestly? NO. So I wrote down my child instead. Chicken! I am such a liar. I tried to “rational – lies” the fact that my son was a good righteous cause after all. But I knew good and well God wanted me to focus on my marriage first. Still I wasn’t budging. Has anyone ever been in this boat?

What was I thinking? God was about to show me the very next Sunday as the pastor preached the second sermon in the series he title “The Hesitant Warrior”. All I had to do was read the title and I said “God, you have a GREAT sense of humor!” God was speaking through the pastor that morning. I am convinced there was no one else in the room but me, my pastor, and God.

You’ve felt that way before, right?

I knew I had hesitated to name my marriage as my righteous cause because of the circumstances I had already faced. I took the easy way out and named my son. Fear trumped my faith and so I wallow in a pit of self-doubt.

There is something so cool about God, He doesn’t call us based on who we are or where we are, He calls us based on who He knows we can become. God realizes the battle will be tough, but that’s where our character is developed, in the heat of the struggle.

I walked out of the church after hearing the second sermon with my head full of things I wanted to do. I didn’t want to be hesitant. I wanted my marriage to be the righteous cause. But what could I do? I had been trying in my own strength to help my marriage and, needless to say, everything was still so difficult. This time, I had to “unwrap” my white knuckled hands from around the buggy (my marriage) and lay it all down at the foot of the cross. God never intended us to carry such heavy loads by ourselves. Only He can make things new… and that’s what I needed, a new perspective.  

During the week I diligently prayed, researched scripture, and put into action what I learned in Sunday’s service. “I sought the Lord, he heard my cry and He answered me (Psalm 34:4).”  During the last Sunday of the series our pastor talked about “The Passionate Warrior.” Over the previous few weeks God began to “peel back the layers” on my heart as I dedicated my focus to my righteous cause. He was shaping me into a Princess Warrior with a righteous cause. I was going to fight for my marriage to be all it could be and, for my husband to come to know Jesus in a very real and personal way.

I wish I could tell you that, like Paul, I fought the good fight, finished the race and kept the faith (2 Timothy 4:7 NIV) but I’d be lying. I made the mistake of losing sight of the enemy. Satan was having a field day destroying my marriage from the inside, out. By the end of 2009 and through almost all of 2010 my marriage was barely recognizable. My husband and I rarely spoke a word to each other. There were no niceties, we slept in separate rooms, there were harsh words, there were hurt feelings, and then came the deafening silence.

Heartbreak, anger and bitterness ran rampant inside me. 

What was happening to me and my marriage?

**Please come back for part 3 of this testimony.**

Me? A P-P-P-Princess Warrior? (Part 1)

 I didn’t know the true reality of “spiritual warfare” until I was knee deep in one of the toughest battles of my life. A few years ago my Senior Pastor preached a sermon series he titled “Warrior”. Little did I know that God would use that very series to start a two year turning point in my relationship with Him. What I knew about fighting battles would be forever change.

I was raised in Christian home and gave my life to Christ at an early age. However, the tides of time shifted and, by my teens, church had become a thing of the past and the influence of “this world” was in full motion. I fell away from Christ, far away.

It was during this “hiatus” that I met and married my husband. We had talked about God before and our beliefs. We believed God was who He was…but neither one of us had a relationship with Him. We were too busy doing our own thing and it was evident we were not following God at all.

Six years into our marriage and one too many nights at the bottom of a Jack Daniels bottle, I decided to attend service at my parent’s church one Sunday morning. I hadn’t darkened the doorstep of a church in years. Can I just tell you that from the moment I stepped in the door, I felt the presence of God immediately in a way I had never experienced before.

“You have been running from me long enough…it’s time to come home.”

Conviction immediately set in and the giant lump that had lodged itself in my throat wasn’t budging no matter how hard I tried to swallow it down. Through the first two praise and worship songs I fought it hard to stifle the tears that were determined to break through the stone wall I had built to protect myself.

As determined as I was, I couldn’t stop the flood gate from flowing when I listed to the chorus of the third worship song. The truth of the words washed over me like a warm summer rain.

Like the desert needs the rain, I need you like the

Ocean needs the streams, I need you like the

Morning needs the sun, I need you Lord you

Are my only one.

As I continued to listen, I realized I needed God back in my life. I knew He was the only One could take the shattered pieces of my life and put them back together. That morning, His grace surrounded me like a warm blanket and I felt “at peace”….that was until I tried to share my restored faith with my husband. He said “you can go all you want…church just isn’t my thing.”

I would love to tell you that each Sunday I would go to church and he would sit at home and things would be “Champaign and roses”, but that would be a lie. Satan used my faith and the lack of my husbands to drive a wedge between us. I mean, I had always prayed for my husband to experience the same fullness in Christ that I experienced, but never had I stood up to Satan and used the full power of Christ available to me until the “Warrior” series.

Life in my home before this series was a roller coaster ride, full of ups and downs, short tempters, harsh words, anger and bitterness. My husband would come to church occasionally and I would pray and pray for change. I tried to start fighting the battle by clothing myself in God’s armor found in Ephesians 6: 10 – 18 (NIV).

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. ¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

When change didn’t happen in my timing I got discouraged and gave up. “Oh, me of little faith!”

This cycle went on for years. Satan wreaked havoc in my mind “He’s never going to change. Your prayers aren’t even being heard. You might as well just give up.” On and on the negative tape played in my head. Honestly, I started to believe the lie. That is until one Sunday morning in September of 2008. God began to change my perspective in a mighty way.

Visit my blog tomorrow for Part 2.