Thursday, January 24, 2013

Me? A P-P-P-Princess Warrior? (Part 2)

**This is part 2 of the testimony I posted yesterday, 1/23/13**

One Sunday morning in September of 2008, God began to change my perspective about spiritual warfare in a mighty way.

In Genesis 1:26 (NLT) God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.” We are made in the image of God, to be like God, to have His characteristics. In Exodus 15:3 we find “The Lord is a warrior, the Lord is His name.” Since the Lord is a warrior, this means that we have been made with a warrior’s heart.

Ok, so I have to admit the first time I heard that I was created with a “warrior’s heart” the negative tape began to play “Yeah right! You couldn’t fight your way out of a wet paper bag!”

The negativity didn’t have time to linger when the next point was made. “Godly warriors have a righteous cause.” A righteous cause is something that is worth fighting for; i.e. our marriages, our children, our finances, our walk with Christ. Our pastor really challenged us that morning… “write down your righteous cause, identify it, and then fight for that cause every day.

I knew mine immediately, my marriage. Was I really willing to admit it honestly? NO. So I wrote down my child instead. Chicken! I am such a liar. I tried to “rational – lies” the fact that my son was a good righteous cause after all. But I knew good and well God wanted me to focus on my marriage first. Still I wasn’t budging. Has anyone ever been in this boat?

What was I thinking? God was about to show me the very next Sunday as the pastor preached the second sermon in the series he title “The Hesitant Warrior”. All I had to do was read the title and I said “God, you have a GREAT sense of humor!” God was speaking through the pastor that morning. I am convinced there was no one else in the room but me, my pastor, and God.

You’ve felt that way before, right?

I knew I had hesitated to name my marriage as my righteous cause because of the circumstances I had already faced. I took the easy way out and named my son. Fear trumped my faith and so I wallow in a pit of self-doubt.

There is something so cool about God, He doesn’t call us based on who we are or where we are, He calls us based on who He knows we can become. God realizes the battle will be tough, but that’s where our character is developed, in the heat of the struggle.

I walked out of the church after hearing the second sermon with my head full of things I wanted to do. I didn’t want to be hesitant. I wanted my marriage to be the righteous cause. But what could I do? I had been trying in my own strength to help my marriage and, needless to say, everything was still so difficult. This time, I had to “unwrap” my white knuckled hands from around the buggy (my marriage) and lay it all down at the foot of the cross. God never intended us to carry such heavy loads by ourselves. Only He can make things new… and that’s what I needed, a new perspective.  

During the week I diligently prayed, researched scripture, and put into action what I learned in Sunday’s service. “I sought the Lord, he heard my cry and He answered me (Psalm 34:4).”  During the last Sunday of the series our pastor talked about “The Passionate Warrior.” Over the previous few weeks God began to “peel back the layers” on my heart as I dedicated my focus to my righteous cause. He was shaping me into a Princess Warrior with a righteous cause. I was going to fight for my marriage to be all it could be and, for my husband to come to know Jesus in a very real and personal way.

I wish I could tell you that, like Paul, I fought the good fight, finished the race and kept the faith (2 Timothy 4:7 NIV) but I’d be lying. I made the mistake of losing sight of the enemy. Satan was having a field day destroying my marriage from the inside, out. By the end of 2009 and through almost all of 2010 my marriage was barely recognizable. My husband and I rarely spoke a word to each other. There were no niceties, we slept in separate rooms, there were harsh words, there were hurt feelings, and then came the deafening silence.

Heartbreak, anger and bitterness ran rampant inside me. 

What was happening to me and my marriage?

**Please come back for part 3 of this testimony.**

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