**This is part 3 of the testimony I
posted Wednesday (1/23/12) and Thursday (1/24/13)**
So…
things were a “mess” in my house to say the least. My husband rarely talked, we
were distant…. Like roommates sharing a house. I felt unloved, unaccepted, and
down-right depressed. Equally as bad, were the issues we faced with our 5 year
old son. I’m sure the anger and disconnect in our home wasn’t helping. He began
to get into major trouble at school. We went back and forth to the doctor and
finally he was diagnosed with ADHD. Things did get a little better at school once
he got used to the routine of taking the medication. At home, he still lashed
out in anger. Rightfully so I presume… after all he lived in a very angry, very
bitter house.
“Would you please consider going to
counseling?” I asked my husband one day, but he wanted no part of it. I
finally got up the nerve to call my senior pastor. I know my husband respects
him and, when he does come to church with me for special occasions we always
get into a discussion about what we heard during the service. Even through our
pastor has a packed schedule, agreed to counsel us and thankfully my husband
decided to participate. I felt a glimmer of hope for the first time in a long
time.
During
the first session we talked about a few of the things going on in each of us
and in our home. By the end of our time, we both agreed to read the book, “His
Needs, Her Needs” by Willard F. Harley and discuss the chapters during our
appointments. Immediately after the first appointment I booked the second appointment
for three weeks out and bought the book.
For
someone who takes a while to read, I read the first three chapters the same day
the book arrived and then left it for my husband. I told him I had left the
book on kitchen table and then left the assignment in his hands. During this
time, I didn’t nag or ask him if he had read his chapters. I just left him
alone. I felt it best that way.
The
three weeks between appointments seemed to last a lifetime, but excitement over
what God was going to do in our marriage carried me through. The day arrived
for our second appointment. Not fifteen minutes into our conversation did my
husband reveal he didn’t read anything. I
was deflated. We were dismissed because we had absolutely nothing to talk
about. I was heartbroken. The
emotions that raged through me were that of hurt, anger, bitterness and
resentment. On the walk to our cars I
asked him “Why? You had 3 weeks to read
and you didn’t.” Defensive he huffed “Because
I didn’t have time!” After hearing those words I lost my cool. “Why couldn’t you tell me that earlier? I
would have rescheduled the appointment. Now I feel so foolish! Don’t you want
our marriage to work, to be better?” Absolute silence, then finally “I guess I am not just into this…. What’s
the point? I don’t think there are any problems.” He got in his car and
drove off.
My
mind raced as my over analytical brain ran scenarios of what exactly he meant. Walking
to my car the tears began to fall and then through gut wrenching sobs I questioned
“Why didn’ he read? Does he not love me
enough to read 3 lousy chapters? How can he not have time for me?” I cried
my eyes out. I drove about a half a mile before I figured out that my pastor
still had 45 minutes set aside for this meeting. I immediately called the
church and asked if I could return and finish the session alone… and that I
did. I absolutely love my pastor. He tells you the truth of God’s word – harsh
or not. In that first meeting we had he noticed something in me that was
“badgering” my husband. I had never noticed that before. It’s tough when you
have to admit that you’re the one who is to blame for something. He assured me that
I wasn’t the only one at fault but at this point, I had to work on me. He
challenged me that day to take a hard look at myself. UGH this was going to be painful… wasn’t it?
God
never promised us a painless way… did He? What He did promise us is to never
leave us or forsake us because He loves us with an everlasting and unconditional love. He holds us in the very palm of His hand.
***Please
come back for Part 4 of my testimony tomorrow.***
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